What is a sport?

We talk about it so often, and we know the sports that are sports like football, basketball, and soccer. We know that those who play them at the highest levels are amazingly talented athletes and many of us wish that we had such abilities, but what about those other sports?

I have heard it argued that bowling isn't a sport, after all can't you drink beer and bowl? How about golf, you drink beer and ride in a golf cart. Plus if John Daly is one of the stars of your sport and has won on it's highest level (British Open) there is no way it is a sport. What about synchronized swimming? Nothing that lame can be worthy of being called a sport.

It is as a result of these questions that I will lay down the rules of what qualifies as a sport in this Man Log Entry. I will not quote the dictionary to figure this out, dictionaries are stupid and overrated and what does a man named Merrian know about sports anyway?

1. A sport takes some level of strength, endurance and athleticism. It is fundamental to all sports that these things are involved. Who would want to watch baseball if the batter lacked these qualities? Would football be as fun if the athletes were not strong? Tiger Woods is built like an NFL Safety and his swing is an amazing balance of these two ingredients.

2. A sport must not be objective, not subjective. All sports are judged by someone on some level. There are umpires, referees, linesmen, judges, etc. Some sports are policed by players themselves, but in all sports a point is a point and the scoring of such a point is not the decision of an individual. What I am trying to say is that if you are judged to have won you have not competed in a sport, you have competed in a competition.

3. To be a sport the primary means of winning must be done by the athlete, not a machine or other instrument. In golf there is a saying; "It's not the arrow, it's the Indian," meaning the clubs don't make the score, the golfer does. This is not to say that equipment can't be used to improve your game, it just can't be the sole focus.

4. To be a sport there must be a physical focus, not a mental focus. There are some non-sports that purport to be sports because they require such a strong mental focus that it is physically draining. I don't doubt that these activities are challenging, nor would I argue that anyone could do them, I just refuse to call them sports, these are called activities.

Well that is it. Rules to live by, now the fun part, we get to make people mad and tell them their favorite "sport" is not really a sport.

Golf - Absolutely a sport. Meets all criteria above. Yes this definitely includes the athleticism and endurance part. The act of swinging a golf club is one of the most unnatural movements you can make with your body, it requires flexibility, strength, and precision.

Bowling - Borderline, but as much as I love going bowling it is not a sport. It does however meet most of the criteria above, except it does not take endurance. OK maybe your arm gets tired after bowling a few frames but are you ever out of breath when you play? Do you sweat because of physical exertion when you play? Have you ever had to take a break from bowling to rehydrate? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions you need to start an exercise program....immediately.

Figure Skating - Takes athleticism and an abnormal amount of flexibility and skill, but not a sport. Your only method of scoring is through a judge giving you points thus it is subjective. Judges can be bought and sold, bribed and threatened, just ask the IOC. Also possibly a rule #5; If sequenes (I can't figure out how to spell that) are a regular part of your "sports" uniforms it is not a sport.

Race Car Driving - Nope. You are primarily reliant on a machine. If Tony Stewart's car crashes he will not win the race. If his engine blows out, he will not win. Also I doubt the amount of athleticism required to drive a race car. True, I have never done it, nor do I think I could, but I don't believe it takes a particular amount of flexibility or strength.

Chess - Throw it in with poker, spelling bee, and scrabble. NOT a sport. There is 0 athleticism involved in these activities, there is 0 hand-eye cordination involved, and there is physical aspect involved. Talent is required but NOT sports. Just because you are on ESPN doesn't mean you are a sport. That means you domino player.

Boxing/MMA/etc. - Very close to being non-sports actually. Obviously they meet most qualifications for a sport however judging takes a very large role. "Pacquiao won the second 10 - 9 on points." "Lidell won in a split decision." This is a valid arguement, however, you can still win by knockout, tapout, TKO, etc. thus there is the possibility of winning objectively. Plus bonus points are awarded in this case for the extreme amount of athleticism and ability required to play these sports at a high level.

By now you should get it but we will rapid fire a few just for funsies:

Basketball - Um yes.
Football - Yes.
Tennis - Yep.
Diving - Nope, judged.
Horse Racing - Sure, for the horse. Everyone else: NO.
Soccer - I guess. Still stop faking injuries soccer player, it makes you look like a wuss.
Darts - No. 0 endurance required.
Hunting - No, equipment is primary (Deer urine, really?).

It has thus been ruled, and feel free to submit a comment with your arguements (NASCAR fan) and I will tell you why you are wrong.


The Great Randini

NBA Playoffs

It is not to often that the NBA playoffs are as fascinating as they have been this year. I especially enjoyed the last round of games that concluded yesterday with Orlando's trouncing of Cleveland which really made the whole picture complete. Consider this; When was the last time the semifinals featured the best four players in the league leading each of the four best teams in the NBA? I certainly can't think of an occasion. What made it even better was that all four were absolutely at the top of their game, and I will give a few examples of each:

1. Carmelo Anthony- Carmelo was slowed a bit in the conference finals, but was still able to emerge and justify his status as one of the best players in the league. Even with a tough Lakers defense geared at stopping him, and a though Game 6 'Melo averaged 27 points for the series while providing valuable leadership on the floor. As much as this season was about Chauncey Billups' leading the Nuggets back into relevance in the NBA make no mistake, this was Carmelo's team in the playoffs.
2. Dwight Howard- The Orlando big man came to play in the conference finals and was obviously a force that no one on the Cavs could deal with. He shot 64% from the floor in the conference finals, and grabbed 12.8 rebounds per game. All the while the Cavs threw everything they had at him including double and triple teams. Dwight also averaged 38 minutes a game, which is a lot for a big man. It is amazing to think that Dwight is able to do this without the help of a solid #2 taking the pressure off him like the other playoff teams have (No, Hedo Turkoglu is not a solid #2).
3. LeBron James- Jerry West recently anointed him the best player in basketball, and said that he could turn out to be the best ever. Who am I to argue with The Logo, but here are a few stats to support it. LeBron averaged 41.2 points per game in the conference finals, yes 41.2. How good is 41.2 ppg in the conference finals? Number two behind guess who; That's right The Logo himself who averaged 46.3 in 1964. What is even more impressive is that he also averaged greater than 8 assists and 8 boards per game as well. No talk of LeBron would be complete without discussing his defense as well. The NBA's defensive player of the year is the equivalent of Deion Sanders in his prime as an NFLer, teams just don't go at him. He shuts down the entire side of the court he is on. LeBron is possibly the best player in NBA history at blocking shots from behind, a play when made that san turn momentum every bit as quickly as one of his amazing dunks.
4. Kobe Bryant- First let me say that I am a Laker's fan who can't stand Kobe. I don't like how he ran Shaq out of town. I don't like how he then ran Phil out of town. I don't like how for years he was all about himself, and not about winning. I wish he would pass out of double teams instead of shooting out of them. I don't like seeing him whine and cry to officials about the fould he takes while throwing his bony elbows at the opponent (although I did like seeing him give Artest a few shiners in the last series). Really I think my next blog could be about why I don't like Kobe. All that said his is a fantastic basketball player, and a singular talent in the NBA. Now that he is passing the ball and trying to get his teammates involved you may expect his stats to go down, but he still averaged 34 PPG in the conference finals, and played 42 minutes per game. What was really impressive though is his seemingly changed attitude (notice I said seemingly?). Kobe averaged 5.8 assists per game this round, up from his average during the season by a full assist. In an interview during one game this series he even described himself as a "decoy," and he meant it in a posistve way. If this continues maybe he can prove he can do it without Shaq then rap about it in a club; "Shaq tell me how my @#$ tastes!" Oh, and when singing LeBron's praises Jerry West added the caveat that if he were to have one player take the last shot it would still be Kobe. Can you say "Ice"?

I can only hope that the Finals are as good as the semis, and I can certainly see them being that good. Several questions need to be answered: The Lakers have the size to match up with Dwight unlike the Cavs did, but can Gasol be that physical and can Bynum show up? Can the Magic contain Kobe and make someone else try to beat them? How will the Lakers stop Turkoglu...perhaps with a focused Lamar Odom? Will Stan van Gundy stop being the most overrated coach in the league, put some Xs and Os down and manage his team instead of letting his team manage him, or will Phil go zen on him and make him forget to give the ball to Dwight in the paint...again? Oh so many questions and our answers will come in just a few days. In case you are curious, which you probably aren't I like the Lakers in 6. Kobe is his usual self but Lamar finally focuses his talent like we have been waiting on for years and becomes the hero for the Lakers. Like last year when the Lakers were without Bynum the Magic are missing the player that will get them over the hump in Jameer Nelson. Also sorry Dwayne Wade, you are exclusively an offensive threat, you lack a physical element to your game and therefore I rate you as the fifth best player in the NBA with honorable mentions going to Tony Parker, Chris Paul, and Brandon Roy.

The Man Log

Well this is my inaugural post, and I suppose i should give some background. I am married and have 2 kids and my wife has recently started her own blog called "My Mommy Brain" or something like that. She challenged me to start my own blog and I decided it would be a good idea. Why you ask? Because I am so tired of hearing about mommy stuff. I can't believe the things I know about now that I have kids. I know more about breastfeeding than I ever thought was possible. I always assumed that the kid put his mouth over the nipple, sucked and white stuff came out. If this is what you think you are wrong on many levels. First off when the kid first pops out he gets a serious dose of nastiness called "Colostrum." This is a translucent, vitamined, enzyme mix of what I can only assume is 98 degree chalk. Here is the really gross part; You can buy cow colostrum in the store, they carry it at whole foods. Who is the sick weirdo that buys this stuff.

My wife has provided our youngest (9 months) with cloth diapers, sounds like a great idea right? Sure you don't have to buy them as frequently and you can resell them when you are done, but did you ever think about what happens when your kid drops a massive deuce when you are out somewhere? You can't throw it away, these things are like 20 bucks a pop. That's right, it goes directly in the diaper bag where we save it for later.

In other kid news I have seen poops that defy gravity on a couple of occasions. This is what happens when there is so much of the #2 the diaper can't hold it all and it seeks escape from anywhere it can be found. Out or up it does not matter. This poop will crawl up your back (literally) if you aren't quick enough.

So where am I going with all this? This blog will be an escape. We will discuss dude things, and stuff I like. Things like sports, single malt, and disgusting things on the internet (ratemypoo.com I am talking about you). We may from time to time talk about bars, good food, good wine, and bad decisions. I will share the awkward things I do, not to make me feel better about myself, but rather to entertain and make you laugh at me. I may share updates, i may not but this i will promise: Unless it is a really funny story this is the last time you will hear the following words on my blog: Breastfeeding, diaper, cosleeping, colostrum, playdate, mastitis, placenta, circumsision, and engorgement.